It's Bigger than Bonnets: Let’s Talk about Judgement

This past May, Academy Award-winning actress and comedian Mo’Nique, shared a video on her Instagram page with her thoughts about black women wearing bonnets, pajamas and slippers in public.

She was compelled to provide wisdom to young black women about how to present themselves in public after seeing a great number of them wearing the aforementioned garments (and blankets) in the airport while traveling to Jackson, Mississippi for a performance.

Mo’Nique made sure viewers and the “young sistas” she was addressing, knew her message was being given with love in an effort to emphasize the importance of pride in how young black women represent themselves in public spaces.

“Queens don’t walk around in bonnets and head scarfs and slippers and pajamas. That’s for the house. When you go outside, represent you, baby like you are worthy and you deserve the title of ‘Hey, Queen.'” Mo’Nique said.

I initially agreed with Mo’Nique’s stance, and still do…for me, but not for anyone else. Growing up, I was taught to present myself in a certain way: well put together, professional…respectable.

At the time, I didn’t know what respectability politics was, and when this video was shared on May 29th, it didn’t cross my mind until I began to read the many comments, articles and blogs on the subject.

That’s when it became clear to me: this was bigger than bonnets, it was about judgement and how natural and easy it is for humans to judge one another and act on those judgements without examining them.

Are the women who wear bonnets, slippers and pajamas in public places not worthy of respect? Are they unprofessional, from a certain socio-economic status, or unladylike?

Do they deserve to be treated poorly because of what they choose to wear?

Of course not, and I can assure you that respectable attire doesn’t save you from racism, sexism and negative judgment.

A few years ago, I had three conversations with three different managers at three different locations of the same major retail store about being uncomfortable with being followed very closely by loss prevention staff as I shopped after work in my professional attire.

I was judged and profiled while wearing a suit and heels, making six figures with a small clutch purse, as I watched women of other races shop in peace.

Respectability politics will not save us from judgement. People examining their judgements and actively changing them when they are wrong or unfounded will.

With that being said, I still think there is a time and place for everything, and the truth is, we are always being judged, so it’s important to be judicious about one’s presentation in certain spaces.

I also think it’s important to address the other side of this message, which is bigger than bonnets. It’s about the difficult conversations we must have with ourselves about our judgements. The conversations that make us dig deeper, question our judgements and get to know people before labeling them.